Shall We Talk?

I know I might not be the perfect one, but I think at least I have did what I could. Sometimes, I would think, are we doing this correctly? Am I taking the right decision at the right time?

It's not the first time I heard things, like I don't have the potential and I also don't seem to possess those abilities to do it right. Yes, I admit it now, I really don't have those potential and abilities that you think I should have.

I used to think I am still the same old me, and what I did was good enough. Think I am overly confident on this matter. I felt sorry for that you have to sacrifice  and that you still didn't get what you think you might get at last.

May be it's time that we should have a talk, shouldn't we? To make things right before its too late.

盛放。凋零。

它，曾经盛放一时

灿烂无比，无人能及

但，从何时起

色彩竟悄悄褪去

它被遗忘、忽视

虽无奈

却也只能含笑离别

花儿、烟火、岁月

无一不稍眼纵逝

它看开、放下

明了

“曾经拥有” 的道理

凋零

是因失去了盛放的理由？

还是

自愿放弃盛放的借口？

只有它知道

退下的一刻

伤感 但 轻松

不舍 但 无悔

它以凋零之姿

舞了一段 完美的圆舞曲

A Short Gathering

I had a gathering with my friends from Kampar yesterday. It was a short meeting starting in the evening, gather together at Midvalley, having tea and chit-chatting while updating each other at the same time. It was a pleasant evening, I enjoyed the conversation and am also glad to be able to share the laughter and joy with them.

It has almost been a year since I have last met with them. Life has getting more busy by days and I am no longer able to visit Kampar again after my last visit about a year ago. I am surprised that how my friends have changed throughout the year.

They have completed their previous phase on time and are moving forward to the next, developing their career and planning for the future development. While I am still the same old me, few steps behind chasing for my dream and working hard to fulfill the goal that I should have reach long time ago. But that day wouldn't be far for me, it is on its way coming, isn't it? I have my faith this time. :)

Some of my girl friends have found the other half for themselves. Truly I am happy for them, especially when I saw how happy are they when talk about their relationship. I also wish those who have yet to find the one, to have found one soon. ;)

Best wishes from me, my friends. Take care and stay happy always. :)

Stressful Days

The day has been very stressful for me recently. Not being able to sleep well at night, worrying about what will be coming up next and whether things will be carrying out smoothly later while on the other hand, there are nightmares along the night. I can only get to sleep well when the first day light is about to break through the sky, but usually that's the time I should get out from my bed and keep on working things out.

I got tired easily nowadays, feel so much wanted to lie on my bed during the day. But I can't seem to get myself to sleep when the night approach. Lying on the bed with dry and sore eyes, body is aching because of pms, mind is tired of running but it doesn't show the sign to slowing down.

This is something new for me, as I never had failed to get into sleep in the past, nor not being able to sleep well at night. No matter what comes ahead, I am always able to get myself some sleep, and in fact I used to cure myself by sleeping and resting. It works everytime, until the magic started to lose these recent days.

I can be easily ignored and I got very impatient nowadays, can't bear things as little as sand. Feeling so much wanted to release my feeling in some way, but not able to. This got me more frustrated, and my temper is getting worst. That is my private corner and it seem so little if compared to the reality in life and the works that yet need to be done.

Back to the real world, there are so much to do yet so little time is available, I must get all the works done before the deadlines. Give me some time and I will work it out, there are still a month ahead................

Lost

I wonder do you realize...
That I am no longer the little girl who used to follow behind your back all the time, waiting for you to play with me or to fulfill my demands.

I wonder do you notice...
That I am actually a grown up now and in fact I am turning to be 25 soon.

I wonder do you find...
That I have my own thoughts and plans and all I need is nothing more than your support.

I wonder do you understand...
What is actually in my mind, what I would like to do and even what I am saying sometimes.

I even wonder do you know...
That I love you as much as you did and my feelings can be easily affected by your words and comments.

Currently I am lost, your words and comments have turned my feelings down once again. I thought I am strong enough to take that, but in fact I am not. My heart is aching when I replay those words that you have told me earlier.

I am tired of fulfilling your expectations. All I want is to be myself and not another role model that you expect me to be. You did your best to give me a perfect and comfortable life and you said all you want is that I can always live happily. But you didn't realize that you actually overdid it sometimes and that makes part of my worry and pressure come from you!!!

I lose myself and direction almost everytime I listened to what you have said. Not sure what should I do next, or may be I should say not sure what you expect me to do next. Even though sometimes I don't wish to do so, but the fear of looking at your disappointed face will always make me think twice. Most of the time, I will give myself up. I hate myself for being such a coward, for don't have the courage to fight for my will.

It's time that I should stand up for myself. It's my life that I am having now and I want nothing more than freedom. I shouldn't feel lost and this time, I should be able to find my way back soon.

I wonder will you ever feel glad...
That I have stronger will now and that I can stand up to any circumstances that may come across in the future.

Sincerely, I wish you would...
And one day... you will also find out that your recognition is actually very important to me.

痴.心.妄.想

这一刻，我犹豫了。觉得自己像在等待黑夜彩虹。一个不可能的任务、一个奇迹的出现...

一直以来的信念,是固执？还是坚持？也早已分不清。说好听些，是永不放弃；说难听些，那应该是垂死挣扎吧。这到底该怪自己少根筋所以后知后觉，还是自己的天性乐观？

其实早该发觉自己不是什么天之骄子，也不是什么上等料子。说白些，就是个再普通不过的平凡女孩。为何... 还要选一条明知是不容易走的路？可是我还是选了。也许当初旁人早已看清事实，所以加以规劝；可惜当局者迷，毅然选择一意孤行。

上天从一开始就布下了阵行，一路上曲折重重、什么难关、挫折都少不了。想必是要提醒我这路不好走，也许也是为了要考验我的耐力和决心，所以幸运之神也只远远的眺望而不眷顾。那一关又一关的考验，已不止一次证明了自己只是在痴人说梦话，只是自己一直不肯面对而已。

也许是时候认清事实，安分的做回自己，不该再有什么非份之想。

梦，该醒了......

Questions...

I used to ask myself lots and lots of questions when my mind is free from memorizing lecture notes and vomiting ideas for assignments. Questions that I don't used to think about when I have more important things to be taken care of. Some questions are remain unsolved regardless of how many times I have asked myself.

Sometimes what I did have disappointed the others, and sometimes it hurts when the situation got worst. I was not being considerate and thoughtful when I made certain moves. Am I being selfish for only thinking about myself before I take the action?

Sometimes, I am careless with the words used in a conversation. I might ignore the feeling of the others by saying words like that. Am I being careless for not thinking twice before I say it?

I didn't expect that what I did or said might affect the others as well. When I finally come to realize it, it was too late. I felt sorry for that as I didn't mean to do it intentionally. Think I need to be more careful when come to decision making and talking in the future in order for misunderstanding and harm to be reduced to the minimum.