Lost

I wonder do you realize...
That I am no longer the little girl who used to follow behind your back all the time, waiting for you to play with me or to fulfill my demands.

I wonder do you notice...
That I am actually a grown up now and in fact I am turning to be 25 soon.

I wonder do you find...
That I have my own thoughts and plans and all I need is nothing more than your support.

I wonder do you understand...
What is actually in my mind, what I would like to do and even what I am saying sometimes.

I even wonder do you know...
That I love you as much as you did and my feelings can be easily affected by your words and comments.

Currently I am lost, your words and comments have turned my feelings down once again. I thought I am strong enough to take that, but in fact I am not. My heart is aching when I replay those words that you have told me earlier.

I am tired of fulfilling your expectations. All I want is to be myself and not another role model that you expect me to be. You did your best to give me a perfect and comfortable life and you said all you want is that I can always live happily. But you didn't realize that you actually overdid it sometimes and that makes part of my worry and pressure come from you!!!

I lose myself and direction almost everytime I listened to what you have said. Not sure what should I do next, or may be I should say not sure what you expect me to do next. Even though sometimes I don't wish to do so, but the fear of looking at your disappointed face will always make me think twice. Most of the time, I will give myself up. I hate myself for being such a coward, for don't have the courage to fight for my will.

It's time that I should stand up for myself. It's my life that I am having now and I want nothing more than freedom. I shouldn't feel lost and this time, I should be able to find my way back soon.

I wonder will you ever feel glad...
That I have stronger will now and that I can stand up to any circumstances that may come across in the future.

Sincerely, I wish you would...
And one day... you will also find out that your recognition is actually very important to me.

痴.心.妄.想

这一刻，我犹豫了。觉得自己像在等待黑夜彩虹。一个不可能的任务、一个奇迹的出现...

一直以来的信念,是固执？还是坚持？也早已分不清。说好听些，是永不放弃；说难听些，那应该是垂死挣扎吧。这到底该怪自己少根筋所以后知后觉，还是自己的天性乐观？

其实早该发觉自己不是什么天之骄子，也不是什么上等料子。说白些，就是个再普通不过的平凡女孩。为何... 还要选一条明知是不容易走的路？可是我还是选了。也许当初旁人早已看清事实，所以加以规劝；可惜当局者迷，毅然选择一意孤行。

上天从一开始就布下了阵行，一路上曲折重重、什么难关、挫折都少不了。想必是要提醒我这路不好走，也许也是为了要考验我的耐力和决心，所以幸运之神也只远远的眺望而不眷顾。那一关又一关的考验，已不止一次证明了自己只是在痴人说梦话，只是自己一直不肯面对而已。

也许是时候认清事实，安分的做回自己，不该再有什么非份之想。

梦，该醒了......

Questions...

I used to ask myself lots and lots of questions when my mind is free from memorizing lecture notes and vomiting ideas for assignments. Questions that I don't used to think about when I have more important things to be taken care of. Some questions are remain unsolved regardless of how many times I have asked myself.

Sometimes what I did have disappointed the others, and sometimes it hurts when the situation got worst. I was not being considerate and thoughtful when I made certain moves. Am I being selfish for only thinking about myself before I take the action?

Sometimes, I am careless with the words used in a conversation. I might ignore the feeling of the others by saying words like that. Am I being careless for not thinking twice before I say it?

I didn't expect that what I did or said might affect the others as well. When I finally come to realize it, it was too late. I felt sorry for that as I didn't mean to do it intentionally. Think I need to be more careful when come to decision making and talking in the future in order for misunderstanding and harm to be reduced to the minimum. 

The Lighthouse

My friend shared a video with me on youtube. I think it was touching. The story is simple yet meaningful. To be frank, I cried when I watched this video.

The name for the video is The Lighthouse. Please feel free to click on it and take a look. :)

You will find out how great is the love of parents. Their love are just like the light house in the middle of the sea, it will always lead you to the way home. Whenver you feel lost, their love will guide you and show you the right path.

You will surely find that your mum and dad are the greatest person in the world. I did after I watched this. :)

Old Friends

An old friend of mine have paid me a visit last weekend. It has been months ago since we have talked to each other. As usual, we have some tea and also chit-chatting at some mamak stall nearby. We had a nice conversation that night. I am glad that we were still able to keep in touch and catch up a conversation with each other.

Many years ago, when we were still young, we used to have tea at mamak stall as well. We used to chat and share a lot of things. Our future, our dreams, what we are going to be... endless topics and things to share along the night. But since when, all these have changed? That we don't used to meet that often anymore. Even if we do, we have nothing much to share. Although we all have shared a common sense that some topics are not meant to be brought up during our gathering. But I think we all could feel that things have changed among us ever since. It will never be the same anymore.

After the short meeting that night, I started to miss the old times when we were all still young. I still remembered how we cheer loudly for our friendship once. The time we have spent chatting and playing around. Those days seems so far yet the memories are still so fresh in mind. Many years passed and we are all grown up now. We have our life and responsibilities to carry on. We can't play around like how we used to be during the old times as we are not young and burden-free. We have more important things to be taken care of. We were busy fighting for our dreams and living. Time is precious for all of us and it couldn't be wasted easily.

We all know that time couldn't be turn back and the past will always remain as history. We all chose to move on without looking back. No matter how many years have gone by, I am sure the memories will always remain with us.

To my old friends, Take good care of yourself. Although we didn't meet that often, but my best wishes will always be with you all. :)

The Short Escape

An update for the trip that I went during the weekend about 2 weeks ago. Our destination - The Lost World of Tambun. We only plan it few days before the weekend and so there is no time for hesitation. We made a quick decision and get things prepared for the trip. But I am sure we are the lucky one, cause we got to stay in the Lost World Hotel which is just located opposite the theme park. For this, I have special thanks to ps, one of my travel companion. She had almost everything prepared for us, transport, accommodation, and so on. We have nothing much to worry about for the trip except to enjoy it. ;)


15 May (Day 1) :

We took off from the city at noon and without stopping by along the journey to Tambun, we reached Tambun at about 3 hours later. Thanks to another travel companion of mine - mh for a safe journey to Tambun. Though I know well that she actually kind of tension, but the fact is that we all manage to travel to a few places, safe and sound, during our visit in Ipoh. ;p 

Our travel transport - A Grey Proton Persona contributed by ps :) 

Random catch along the highway ;p

It's raining!!! and guess what's our speed? lol ;p

We went for the Lost World Hotspring and Spa later the night. Got in almost all the Hotspring pool that they have, except one, that is the Top of The World Pool. Because its too HOT!!! =.=" As for personal, I like the Lost World Steam Cave and also the Crystal Pool. :) As for the supper, we ate Grilled Tauhu, Grilled Stingray, BBQ Chicken Wings, Soup Tom Yum, and Assorted Lobak. No doubt we went back to the hotel with a stuffed stomach later in the night.

Brochure taken from the hotel ;p

16 May (Day 2) :

It's Monday!! We should be grateful to have a holiday in Tambun while the others are working at this day. It's a nice day with slight sun shine and breezy wind blow. We got ourselves prepared and went into the theme park to have fun.

Here we come.... !!!

Overview of activities and facilities

Map of the park

Souvenir of the trip - Slipper key chain :)

There are still quite a lot of undone construction in the theme park. But in times, I am sure it will become one of the famous theme park in the country. :) At the end of the day, we went to Ipoh City for dinner. Fetched yy on the way to the City, and we went for yc session after dinner. I should say we became warriors when it comes  on drinking. Beers and Liquors? No fear at all!!! :p None of us got drunk even though we had drank so much in a night and still we can make our way home. Salute to us..  ;p


17 May (Day 3) :

Time fled away silently while we are having fun. It's time for us to pack and say goodbye. It's only a 3D2N trip to Tambun, but we are having so fun along the trip. We got the chance to spend time with friends, chit-chatting and drinking. ;)

Yy brought us for lunch before we drive home to KL. We had Sateh, Noodles with fried stuff, Popiah, and Fruit Rojak. :p Well, we didn't manage to finish all the food though. As we have expected, dizziness and headache and low appetite when we wake up in the morning. Obviously we had hang-over effect because of the overly drank last night. ^^" But its no big deal to us since we have had so much fun the night before. :p It was a perfect ending for the trip. ;)

Pleasant Sunday

It was a pleasant day for me, and also for my mum I think. :) It's been a while since the last time we had a family day. We were lucky today as dad has a day off, 'cause usually he will be asked to stay for overtime if there's a need to rush for the deadlines. So we went for late breakfast at my uncle's hawker stall while I also got to visit him at the same time. It's like killing two birds with one stone. :p

Uncle Ching is surprised to see me, I couldn't blame him for that though as I know I haven't pay him a visit since CNY. Sometimes I turned down his dinner invitation as I got tests and assignments to rush on and I forgone the chances to visit him when I got dates and outings. I felt sorry for I can't spend more time visit him, listen nor talk to him. He used to buy me a lot of cool toys and games when I was young, treat me nice foods and also reward me for my distinction in studies. And now I saw him grew older each time I visit him. Time stops for no one, Uncle Ching is now an old man while I grew up into a young lady.

Me and my mum went for shopping after the meal and some chit-chatting. Mid-year sales is coming back soon and so we saw a lot of pre-sales and special weekend deal. Later I brought mum for a sweet treat at Snowflake. It's nice to sit down and enjoy a bowl of ice in a cozy place while chatting. We chat a lot today and its the first time since the cold war. I appreciated the moment that we have spent together, and hopefully it will be a reminder for us whenever we wanted to start an arguement again. >.<

We then took a slow walk back to Uncle Ching's place and meet up with dad. I took a nap before went out for dinner with my parents again. It's a simple yet warm Sunday that I spent with my family. I have nothing but to agree with what Uncle Mac used to say - Simplicity is happiness. ;)

Snowflake's Best Seller and Sea Amber Jelly by Snowflake ;)