She said I appears to be a tough one, and that I would have taken any challenges given and will do my best to meet the requirements. This is the 1st time I've ever heard such positive comment from others, especially someone whom I met for only half a month ago.
I asked for the reason. She said I don't look like a crying baby, and I never show fear or shed tears even if I knew I have to stay up late to have my work done. Though we all knew that, there's always work waiting to be done. It's only my 3rd working week, and I've already felt that its an endless road...
I'm appreciate to receive such positive comment from her. But deep down inside my heart, I know that I'm nothing, but a master of disguise.
I started as an apprentice and slowly I became, someone whom I wanted to become since I was in junior high. There're so many tears and hardship, behind every happy face. I think I do know why I never like to see a clown like other kids. Other than the fear of looking at their overly painted face. I know that they're not as happy as they've shown, yet their job is to entertain and to spread happiness.
Sometimes, I don't really know which one is the real me. Is it the one who used to cry for help? or the one who used to stay calm and tough? I wouldn't know. As I've been cheated by my own con as well. Believing that I'm a tough and strong one.
People were curious, why do I used to make my life so difficult, since I could always choose an easier way to get things done. I just don't know. Truth and reality taught me well, there's no free lunch in the world. Even my course of study emphasizes that there will never be something good without making something else worst off. Or in short, there's always trade off in every decision.
I've given up upon the chance to shed my tears for help, when I chose to shut this part of me deep down in me. Be a fighter when you still have the strength to fight. And even if I'm going to fall, I would want to fall beautifully, with style. ;)
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