Hidden Feelings

New semester had started officially 3 weeks ago, coming week will be the 4th. Everything seems to have going on smoothly as it was planned, truly I am glad for that. Recently I had these mixed feelings, not sure how and what should I describe them as. The only thing that matters is that I don't feel comfortable with it.

I am always bad in terms of describing my own feelings, didn't know how to define them, nor to categorize them into the range of feelings. Worry? Angry? Tension? Jealousy? Upset? Envy? Lost? Whatever it is or might be, it just sound the same to me; although I know each of them is unique and have different affection on our feelings. I don't seem to be able to differentiate them as an individual one, as I used to feel the same whichever one of them strikes on me.

One thing that I am sure is that these are bad feelings, which will cause my mood to swing for at least a day. My emotional management is not as good as I thought, even though I have tried so hard to control. My mood still can be affected easily by the people around me, especially someone closed. It made me a emotional person, when I am with the closest one. The feelings become uncontrollable as I got closer to them. Somehow in a way, it scares me. I couldn't imagine what can I do, if I were to lost them one day.

The only best way that sound is for me to keep a fair distance. I will not confess to it, even though that means I will have to lie to myself. And even though it might also means you will never know, that I actually do care...

I don't know why I wanted to do so, but somehow it made me feel better. May be that's who I really am, never know how to deal with the feelings and can easily get myself lost in it, also ended up hurting those around me. It seems to be the only thing that I can do now, except to run away from it.