Happy Belated...

There is always a Happy Belated for birthday, but I not sure whether it is also the same for Mummy's Day. This year's Mummy's Day fell on 8th of May and I miss the chance to wish my mum. It's a long story though. Me and my mum were actually having a cold war during the Mummy's Day.

I couldn't recall much about how and when we started it. At the end only shouts and arguments with hurt feelings were left to remind us about what had happened. After what happened, we seldom talk to nor look at each other except there's really no choice. As for my side, I try my best to ignore her whenever I was at home with her, and I locked myself in my room most of the time, just to avoid facing her that much. Everything she said or did irritates me. I got very frustrated whenever she brought up a topic that ignores my feeling.

I don't bother to know what she might be feeling for what I did. All I care was that something she did or said have hurt my feelings so deep. I couldn't help myself for not getting angry at her nor asking myself to forget what she have done. I seem to have forgotten that she was my dearest mum and she used to love me with all her heart and soul. Even sometimes what she did was not appropriate, but still she is my mum and I should know that she will not harm me, no matter what.

We had a talk few days ago, after something happened on me. My feelings and nerves have finally broke down. It took me some time to chill. I blamed myself for not realizing that she actually love me more than anything else in this world. She did her best to keep me safe and happy, even she didn't aware that what she did was actually over and might be hurtful. She spent half her life time to raise me, and there is not a complaint from her. She changed herself so that she can communicate better with me. My anger and egoism had got me blind and forgetful. As I tried to ignore her effort for being a good mother.

I know I am not an obedient child either. I used to complain for her overly control, her nags and advices, sometimes even on her cooking. I challenged her tolerance by saying something hurtful in the past. I demand for expensive goods without being considerate. I hang out late even though I know she can't sleep well and worried. I know you have tried your best to know me more, it's just that sometimes I have chosen to keep a distance. I know you felt hurt when you found that I chose to hide my heart from you. I am sorry, mum.

I just want to let you know that I enjoyed most of the time that I have spent with you. You used to be my best companion whenever I need someone to be aside. You are my stylist and used to give me a lot of advices on clothing and style.You are also a reminder as you know I am a forgetful person. Thanks for everything, mum. I know I should have said that to you earlier and I hope its never too late for me to say it now.

I am glad that we can finally break the ice and get back to normal again. I miss the old times when we used to shop, chat and hunt for food together. I know I am not a perfect daughter but I will try my best to be one, as what you did to become a perfect mum for me. :)

Happy Mother's Day, my dearest Mummy. Love always..

News

Half a month passed since the last time I updated my blog. I was busy for the past 2 weeks, took some time to settle my school stuffs, cleaned my room, did housework and went for badminton once a week. 2 weeks time just slipped away silently. I still managed to go to Tambun for a short trip during the weekend, had myself a lot of fun and I also got to spent time with my fellow friends and classmates. I also got to visit my beloved grandma.  :)

I received some news during these time, some good and some bad. I finally understand why some people used to say life is like a roller-coaster, think cause its full of ups and downs. I had some news from myself, a mixture of good and bad, so my feelings also went up and down hills because of the news. First of all, I didn't do well in my maths final paper which cause me a few hundred Ringgit to go through the appeal and there still might be a possibility that I need to resit for the paper. Frankly speaking, its way under my expectation. I am disappointed once again by myself.

Nothing much for me to say, except myself to blame. Well, small disappointment wouldn't defeat me so easily as I have gone through situation that was far more worst than this. I still had a good news on hand which could comfort myself a bit, that is this coming semester would be my 2nd last semester. Although I feel kind of disappointed by the result, but still I feel glad as I am going to be one step away from success. Wish me luck, friends. ;)

Then its the latest news that I have just received today - MH has finally graduate. Congrats to her!! :) She had fought alone all these time even most of the friends are not around. I think she is tough and she really did well in her final semester. So here it is.. Salute from me, girl!! ^^ Wish you all the best in the new chapter of life and stay happy. You will always have my best wishes. ;)

I am happy that I got the chance to share the happiness for my best friend. It's never been easy for all of us along the way. But finally I saw the outcome, even its not from mine, still I felt glad and thankful. And I always know that mine are still waiting ahead, and for that I will do my best to reach for it. ;)

No Strings Attached

Finally, I watched the movie - "No Strings Attached". I didn't get to watch it at the cinema that time although I feel so much wanted to. But luckily I found it in pps today, some scenes are cut but overall I still think its a nice movie. I have quoted some nice conversation for the movie.

- - - - - - - - - - -

Emma: "Adam, I can't do this. Can you send me back to the hospital?"
Adam: "No.. no.. That's not the deal. The deal is... we will gonna walk a round.. look at the twinkling light...    and then..."
Emma: "Why you wanna messing everything thing up?"
Adam: "This is what lovers do... They will get flowers, go to the museum..."
Emma: "You know me... These stuffs freaks me out... It's fake... What's wrong are we doing? It's work, we don't have to fight... we don't have to..."
Adam: "Yea... may be I want to fight..."
Emma: "Yea... but I don't!!"
Adam: "What you gonna do? You just want to run away? You will never feel anything? How you gonna do that?"
Emma: "I don't know... I will figure it out."
Adam: "You are so messed up."
Emma: "Yea? I don't need you to take care of me... I take care of myself... That's what I do..."
           "Why don't you go find some other girl who is not gonna hurt you?"
Adam: "Because I love you..."
           "Obviously I am completely love you..."
           "You have everything good..."
Emma: "No.. I am nothing!!!"
Adam: "Well... then be with me..."
 

So strong yet so soft hearted, so tough yet so fragile at the same time - best describe for Emma's character. Frankly, I am touched by Adam's word. He is such a sweet guy, isn't he? Kind, caring, loving, patient, good looking... what else you could ask for from a guy? ;p

- - - - - - - - - - -

Mum: "You know.. I worry bout you sometimes..."
Emma: "Why? Is it about me.. I don't have a date?"

Mum: "No.. no.. I know that you can dance alone.. I know that you will be fine.. You are always fine..."
Emma: "So....?"

Mum: "I don't know..."

          "When we lost your father, I can't stand to see you in pain. I think you knew that... I think that you are being good... being strong... to me."

          "But I am telling you: Be hurt.. I can take it.. The world is gonna take it"

No matter what happens, Mum will always love you and stay by you side. That's the power of mum's love. :)

Love usually doesn't make sense and sometimes it cause us to be irrational, but you just came to know that's love. :) Just like what Scott said: "We don't pick who we fall in love with... and it happens like it was sure...".
Who knows... love is always around. ;)

A Relaxing Day

Just finished my 3rd final exam paper yesterday, and I have 2 days to take a breath and prepare before the last paper on Sat. :) Few weeks before final, I already started to feel stress and worry. Taking every step carefully in order to make sure that everything will be carry on smoothly and fine. At last the exam came, and its now close to an end before I could actually have time to recall what's happening. Last night, I had a good night sleep. First within these few weeks, I did not dream about the maths formula, calculation steps and all sorts of economics theory.

And so... I had decided to give myself one day off. Woke up before 8.30 this morning, had myself prepared, and I sent mum for groceries shopping before went to meet Mei for a badminton game. But unexpectedly, the court didn't open as usual. We waited there for more than half an hour and decided to go for breakfast instead. Nvm,  there's still tomorrow, and we will come back again. I think its always good that we keep a positive mind. ;)

 

We both have overspent this month, so we came to an agreement that we will go for cheap and nice food in hawker stalls. This morning would be the first time we put it into action. Fair price with lots of variety, the hawker stall isn't that bad after all, isn't it? We had Claypot Yee Mee and also chinese tea for breakfast. As usual, we chat a lot and shared our opinions until mum calls and ask me to fetch her. So ends our short meeting for the morning. I went to fetch mum and we visited Uncle Mac again before head home. I would say it's one of our favourite eating place, cozy environment with friendly workers. It's also a nice place for reading and meeting too. :)

In the noon, I read the recently bought book from MPH after I done reading with today's newspaper. After almost 2 hours of reading, I made myself a cup of Milo Oat. It's one of the favourite drinks of mine, made by 3 to 5 spoons of Milo powder (depending on the portion), 1.5 to 2 spoons of instantly cook oat and of course add in some hot water. :) It's easy, fast and healthy. *Big Smile 

Milo Oat in favourite cup of mine :)

I enjoyed my Milo Oat slowly while blogging here. It's the best thing that I could have in this relaxing day of mine. But it would be perfect if I could still take a short nap before dinner later, that's all I would ask for. A simple wish for a simply relax day like this. :)

Blogging... 

     

Weird Me

This week is my final exam week. I should be reading notes by now, doing the last-minutes-preparation, yet I choose to blog. *Sighzzz

I will be having my 3rd paper tomorrow, its Maths. Well, not much comments that I coould make. Just hope that I would pass it smoothly. I am not that demanding though, am I? =p

Just before I decided to blog, I was actually trying hard to concentrate on my notes. But your message had successfully brought up my curiousity and obviously my attempt to do revision has failed, defeated badly by the curiousity. So here I am, blogging here while thinking of your question in your reply.

I used to think that I am just another typical girl on earth, living a simple life and always tried to make myself and the others easy. I would say that this simple theory could be applied almost anything in my life. Friends, lovers, clothing, style, and studies (though I know it's not really easy.. =.="). At least for things that could be simplified, I tried. You used to say that I am having lots of "special and different" thoughts compared to other girls and that interest you. *big smile

I would define "special and different" as weird. Though its not referring to the real freaking weird, still it means something different than the usual and normal. Not many people would admire this kind of thoughts, especially girls who possess it. The last time I heard that is from a guy who freaks out by me and his so called "crazy-n-unacceptable" thoughts of mine. He tried so hard to convince me that I am wrong, making effort to change me into someone that is acceptable by him. No doubt that he failed, badly I should say. We can't take someone who are not willing to accept and love who you truly are, can't we? :)

Few years gone and finally I have met you. Someone who knows how to admire the others from different perspect. I am glad to hear that from you, I know you mean it when you said. May be I am weird in some ways, but who cares? I live it well and I treasure it, and I always know there are still so much in me to be found. ;)

泪人

那天
突如其来的 意外
害怕 慌张 无措
像个 迷失方向 的 孩子

感觉 委屈
但无处 发泄
想哭 泪在眼眶 徘徊
可不知 该流吗？ 可以流吗？

终于 在慰问下
泪 无可抑制地 流下
“真的好累...” 我抱着您说。
您说：“好孩子... 不哭...”

是的 很 累
所以 才 泪
这是 泪 的理由吗？
还是 想 泪
所以 以 累为借口？

本来 就是 爱哭之人
可是 成长 教会 我
泪 不可轻弹
不止是 男生的权利
累 当 没尽全力时
也不可轻易 说出口


抱着 亲人
像 溺者 找到了 浮木
短暂的 安慰 和 温暖
心 安了
起伏的 情绪 被 抚平

难怪 在 您们眼中
我 终究 还是个 长不大的 孩子
轻易 流泪的我
看起来 像经不起 风浪的 船
漂浮不定 摇摆不止
随时被 暴风雨 和 海浪 吞噬


道行 不足
惟有 再继续 修行
期望有一天
能成为 一个 稳固 让人安心 的大船
在海上 乘风破浪

空

有时候
不懂该用什么言语表达
或者该说
不知还有什么能说的

脑袋 堵塞了
脑筋 转不来
想法 无法传递

有时候
很多事情 都 无法解释
无法释怀

追根到底
也无法得知
缘由在哪 所因为何

只知道
是时候该 沉默了
听听歌 看看书 喝杯咖啡
或索性 闭上眼 睡它一个天昏地暗的

什么都 听不到 看不到
那该多好
不必知道 也不必理会
留下的 只有自己
最真实的 灵魂 :)