Borderline

You said everything you did, is because you love me a lot, that you are afraid to lose me. You said there is reason for every decision you've made on my behalf. You said I can't understand your thoughtfulness and meaning which lie behind your actions, because I am not as wise as you. You said it's your responsibility to take care of me as I am not capable to do so. You said I am not a considerate and grateful girl, because I didn't realize how lucky I was.

But do you know that...... For all these years...

I've tried my best in understanding your decision. I've tried not to disobey you, and just followed your arrangment. I've tried not to let you down and to meet your demand. I've tried to deliever my best to you. Seriously, I've tried... in everyway that I could.

Yet it's never been enough for you, that I am just trying, but not doing my best...

Do you realize that I am a grown up with my own minds and thoughts, but not your puppet who just following orders? Do you know that I am longing for your appreciation and recognition so badly for the effort I've made to be the best? Do you realize that I am getting unhappy by days? Do you find that I am actually getting very annoyed and impatient with all your so-called lectures and reasons? Do you aware that I wanted to run away from this place and you so desperately?

No.. I know you won't. It's only you and yourself and the others' point of view that you are concerning, it will never be me no matter how. Because you used to think that everything you did, is for my own good. I will just need to follow without asking. You said someday, I would understand what you have did for me. And by the time, I would be grateful that you have did so.

But.. I don't think I could wait 'till that time to come. Because I find myself so hard in breathing, when I am with you. You used to give harsh comments and your so-called wise advices when I am actually looking forward for your praise and console. You used to think that I could do better, though each time I thought I've already did my best. You asked me not to demand more from you, as you've given your best to me. You asked me not to push you to your limit, because you won't bear that from me. 

But without your notice, you are doing everything you asked me not to do on you. How ironic!! It's because you are the ruler of this place. You are the owner of everything, and I know that includes me. I used to remind myself not to let you down, because you are the one I respect. I used to ask myself not to disobey you, because you are the only one who love me with all your heart and soul. I used to force myself to be the one who can make you proud and happy, because I know that's what you would want the most from me.

Yet, I think it's time for me to let you know, about my limit and borderline. Please don't push me further, becasue I don't think I can bear it any longer. Seriously, I don't know how much more I could take. Please learn to listen and don't be self-centered. Becasue I can take no more from you. Please don't make me dislike you or hate you, before it's too late. Please don't push me away, when I am making the effort to stay.

You thought I couldn't lose and that I can only take what you've given to me. But someday, you will find that, I am actually capable in doing so, if I am force to...