A Round Up for 2011

Last year wasn't a happy year for me though, there were too much tears shed, too many conflicts and arguments, and also too many unhappy things happened around me. It's just too many "too much..." for me to bear, and its already surpassed the limit that I could bear.

I had few major emotional break down during the year, and got people around me worried. I could feel that my emotion management has got worst, since I couldn't well control and manage my emotion. I also had bad relationship with family and friends, especially mum. Had conflicts and arguments with her a bit too often this year, and got ourself shut out from each other in the end, didn't know how to approach and share again. It got me upset for a long time for each and every time we had an argument. I used to blame myself for letting her down always, but even so, I couldn't help myself but to argue for my rights.

I feel helpless when I found that I still didn't reach for her confidence and expectations, after I tried so hard to. I am sick of following orders and advices, and just want to live a life on my own, so badly. I am tired of listening to lectures, and only wanted to do things on my own. I had so much to do, and yet I felt there is so little time left. But still I faced all kind of problems and obstacles in front of me, whenever I want to put my words into action. Seriously, I am exhausted, from body to soul. Wonder what would be the next and what should I do to get through it?

I tried to find myself some belongingness when I am alone, but sadly I can't find. I thought I would have someone who at least be at my side, when I am feeling down. But somehow I didn't feel the way that I think I should be, when I finally found one. As I have expected, things will never be easy for me.

My dream is the only thing that I can be grateful for the year. And it is also the only thing that I could gain my control on. I fought hard for it and it had shown some improvement and progression at last. One step further and I will be free from it, its the only wish that I had made for the new year. :)

Though days were mostly hard during the year, but there were blossom days as well. It's when I had great times with family, friends and classmates. Had my very own exciting trips to different places. Had a taste of nice foods and visited new restaurants. Spent time doing my favourites. Lots and lots to be treasured and it will always stay memorable to me. :)

2011 had passed along the bitter sweet of life. Overall, its an happening year for me. Too much feelings left for me, either good or bad. I would treasure each of them, have the lessons learn and move on. I would say I go through the year with no regrets, as there were so much to learn and as well to be remembered.

Somehow I still believe that, life is filled with hopes and dreams, when tomorrow always awaits. ;)